


Secrets

by clowchan



Category: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005), Trouble in the Heights (2011)
Genre: AU, Crack, Crushes, M/M, Smut, a ton of cursing, alternative universe, crackships, kkbb styled narration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 07:38:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clowchan/pseuds/clowchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another AU cracky crossover featuring Harry Lockhart (KKBB) and Nevada Ramirez (Trouble in the Heights) This time Harry is doing undercover work for Perry to spy on Nevada’s operations and he develops a crush on the drug lord. What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets

“What the fuck are you doing?”

That voice rang with anger. Ah shit, I pissed him off again, didn't I? Talk about working for a guy who's hard to please. Oh no. I'm such a terrible narrator. You must be asking three questions. Who am I talking about? Who am I? Why am I reading this? First off, you chose to. Second, I'm talking about Nevada Ramirez, Dominican-American drug lord extraordinaire. I hope that doesn't ring with sarcasm. And your narrator that you are stuck with has a name too. Harold Lockhart but I prefer Harry, however, my undercover name was Benjamin “Benji” Waterhouse. Now that we're all caught up, let’s get back to the present.

I roll my eyes, “About to steal those cables, which you ask me to do.”

I feel a slap on the back of my head. “What did I say about people being a smart ass?”

“That they keep their mouths shut,” I say.

“Exactly, _cabrón_.”

I knew whenever he called me that whenever he got pissed. I thought working for Gay Perry was difficult, but this guy, he made him look like a saint or Mary Poppins or whoever. Here's my other secret - I'm undercover gathering dirt on this dude. Yet here's where it's getting difficult - I'm starting to develop something for the guy. I sound like a freaking romance novel. _So great_. He's such an asshole and yet I wanted to kiss him. What the hell was wrong with me? Even living with Perry I never developed things for guys.  Here I was fantasising taking that leather jacket off and doing unimaginable things to him. And vice versa. If only Perry knew and thankfully he didn't or else my ass would be handed to me. Or teased. Or both.

“ _Mira,_ Benji. Pay attention. You get the cables _after_ they walk in and do business. How did you forget one simple task? Sometimes I wonder why I keep you around.” He places his dark sunglasses on.

Jokingly, I ask, “Because I'm cute?”

I can see his fist clenching as he growled, “ _Maldito cabrón._ ”

There was that word again. You would think after being 5 months undercover I would know something in Spanish. I don't. I'm trying to learn online when I have time, but I'm not getting the hang of it. I've never been the schooling type.

“Sorry,” I knew well enough to step out of his way. I watch him straighten out his leather jacket and run a hand through his slick black hair. He takes out a cigarette and smokes it while his two goons enter a small store when he gestures them to go. I take my place in the parked van acting like a cable worker. I had no clue what he wanted with the cables, he just needed them.  And before I forget - here was how this heist was going to work. The goons would go in, snip wires, the place calls me, I take the wires, and I replace them with shittier ones. Seemed simple enough.

10 minutes later, my cell rings, “Hello, Hendriksen's Electronics, how may I help you? ... Your wires might be fried? ... Sure... I can be there in 5 minutes... No, shouldn't take time at all... Not a problem. Ok goodbye.” I send a text to Nevada:

> _“On the job”_
> 
> N: _“_ _Dont_ _tell me til after you're done stupid”_
> 
> _“Sorry”_

Such a perfectionist. I enter the business, greet the owner, and get right to work. 15 minutes later, everything was finished. I text Nevada after I leave the store.

One of the goons, Miguel, slings a heavily muscled arm around me, “Pisshouse did it?”

Oh yeah, that was my other nickname with these guys, _Pisshouse_ because Waterhouse... You get it.

“ _Gringo_ is not so useless after all.” There’s that rare smile Nevada sported. He looked so much nicer when he did. Cuter. Shit, did I say cuter? I can't believe I am crushing on a man that I'm about to bust. A pang of guilt hits me.

* * *

That night I find myself in a fancy restaurant with Nevada and his friends. Because I was virtually the only non-Latino there and most of the conversations were in Spanish and I had no idea what was going on. All I did know was everyone looked happy. I did get the occasional stink eye, but whenever that happened Nevada sat closer to me. _A little too close_.  His arm wrapped around my shoulder, drinking bourbon, and humorously punching my shoulder.  I mean he did call me a _“fucking asshole”_ every now and then, but how he said it I didn't mind. I could tell he was joking.

The night went fine until someone looked over my direction, “Why is he here _? No es_ _uno_ _de_ _nosotros_ _.”_ That was when I witnessed Nevada's wrath. He slams the glass down so hard it shatters and he snaps his fingers twice. The whole restaurant becomes silent. Miguel and his other henchman, Santiago, got up to escort the man outside. Nevada takes me along.

“This _gringo._ This man is my friend and he just made a major accomplishment for _us,”_ Nevada gets in the man's face.

“ _For us?_ If you stopped thinking with your dick, you'll see right through him,” the man glared at him and me. “Nobody cares about us but us, Ramirez.”

As if I was watching the Incredible Hulk transform for the first time, Nevada said nothing and started to beat the ever living shit out of the guy. Soon his goons join in, kicking and punching. It was brutal. Nevada had such rage that his green eyes seemed to glow. Fuck, _he was the Hulk_ if the Hulk had a Dominican twin brother _._ It was here where I feared for my own life. If he knew my secret, that would be me on the ground.

“¡ _Coño_! This _capullo_ got blood on my ring and shoes. Take him and dump his ass near the tracks,” Nevada snaps his fingers again as he wipes his feet on the man's pant leg. He walks up to me whispering, “ _Lo_ _siento_ _,_ Benji. Sorry, you had to see this.” He looks at everyone, “Anyone else object to Benji being here?” Everyone stands there silently, shaking their heads. “I thought so. Let's get back inside. We have much celebrating to do.”

One thing did hit me. He apologised to _me._ I didn't understand. Normally, he would be so spiteful or annoyed with me. Yet, here we were drinking beers like we've been friends for 20 years. We even smoked cigars together. I wanted to know why the sudden change of heart, but I was smart enough not to question his mood. Another thing was I had to stop this investigation. I mean, sure the guy could be a ruthless asshole, but he did care about his friends and took care of them. He was very black-and-white when he dealt with people: enemies were treated like dirt and friends were treated like gold. I _had_ to stay friends with him and that was when I realised I was in too deep. _Fuck._ I thought about taking all my reports and burning them. I’m a terrible undercover investigator.

“Benji, something the matter?” Shit, he caught me frowning.

“Ah... Nope. Just thinking.”

“Ok,” Nevada grins. “Another round of drinks! _¡Salud!_ ” Everyone cheered and I had other people talk to me. Shit, everyone here was so nice and they needed Nevada. Even if he dealt drugs and stole, but I noticed that he had a weird code of ethics. He never did his dirty dealings with old people and unless you crossed him he left people alone. He never actively sought new victims.

Four hours later and I'm _fucking_ wasted, like close to putting pants on my head wasted.  Because of this, they tried to make me say stuff in Spanish. And I kept butchering it. I thought I would be pissing people off and here they were laughing. Probably at my expense. Hell, I butcher English and it's the only language I know.

Miguel pats me on the back, “They just made you say 'I speak like a big baby'. Oh, Pisshouse I haven't laughed that hard in a while.”

“Did I really?”

“ _Sí, lo_ _hiciste_ _,_ “ Nevada laughs, knocking back a shot of tequila, and wrapping an arm around me. He was clearly as drunk as I was but even in my state I couldn't help but blush at the gesture. He pats my back, “You did.”

I yawn a little as he spoke.

“I'm not boring you, am I?” Nevada gives me a stern look, placing the glass down on the table.

The sound sent a shiver down my spine. Hair standing on end and everything. _Shit, shit, shit._ I didn't want to end up like that guy before. I panic a little, “No, sorry! Just tired. I di-”

“I'm just fucking with you,” he laughs. “Perhaps it's time to leave. _Vámonos_.”

Well, that was almost a pants shitting experience. We get up, Nevada's arm still around me, his hand caressing my shoulder. What on earth was he doing? I usually left by myself to stay in my little apartment, which, if you're curious, is shitastic by the way. _Thanks, Perry._ Anyways, one thing leads to another and I end up in Nevada's condo. Talk about living in the lap of luxury. You know those films where you enter a villain's place and he has a naked chick or two at his beck and call and some weird exotic animal? It was like that. I mean, there was a goddamn spider monkey climbing the stairs. Or is it a capuchin? I'm not a zookeeper, it was some kind of monkey. There were marble floors, modern decor, weird art everywhere. I wish I had a camera to send to Perry just to make him jealous. And there were 2 topless women who greeted him. Scarface came to mind with this guy.

 _“Hola, Papi_ _chulo_ _,”_ a brunette greets Nevada with a kiss, caressing his crotch. “ _¿Oh?  ¿Quien es_ _tu_ _amigo_ _guapo_ _, Papi?”_

He holds her hand, closer to his crotch, snarling, “Mine for tonight, Leta.”  Her smile fades a little as she walks away.

I couldn't help but stare at the other woman with auburn hair, “Wow, she's beautiful.” Jesus, I sounded like I was 12 again. Hell, I felt 12 including the erection that was currently happening.

Nevada heard me and grins, “Isn't she?  I love beautiful things.” I felt his hand brush up against my ass and started goosing me a little. Normally, I would stop this but I was drunk and it felt nice. I let him continue.

* * *

Eventually, we end up in his bedroom and the man was obsessed with the colour black. Black dressers, black nightstands, even his bed was black. I wondered if “Back in Black” was his theme song.

“On the bed,” he commands as he starts to take his belt off.

Oh shit, is that why he brought me here? For sex? I mean, I had a budding crush on the guy. But sleeping with him? Would I? I mean I wasn't gay or anything but he was so suave and cool. And damn, his lips were on my neck now and it felt really good, whispering stuff in Spanish. “N-Nevada” I moan out “Wh-what about those girls? Aren't they your girlfriends or something?”

“ _¿Mis_ _novias_ _?_ Haha, no.  More like friends with benefits.” His hands go under my shirt, caressing my chest and then my abdomen. He shoves me down onto the mattress, straddling me, and kissing my neck once again. “It's cute how you care, _hermoso_ _.”_

Another moan escapes me. His touches and his words were actually turning me on.

He tosses off his leather coat and he caresses my face, “Do that again.” His hand touch my crotch and I moaned louder. “That's more like it.” He unzips my pants and keeps stroking my dick through the fabric of my underwear. _Fuck_ , this guy was good. My hips buck a little. It was so hard not to say “Please fuck me senseless” and sound hopeless. And I felt hopeless for this. I didn't want to seem easy to this guy. Plus, I was still drunk as hell, so my inhibitions were lower than they normally were. _Wait, did I just admit I wanted to be fucked by a guy?!_ This is new.

“You fucking want me, don't you?” Could Nevada read my mind? And then he slips his hand under my boxers, and he pumps my cock. “Tell me.”

“I-I-I.” Why couldn't I get the words out? Shit, his hand was soft and gentle.  
  
He thumbs the tip, “Don't waste my fucking time.”

My head rolls back into a pillow, “Fuck! I want you to fuck me hard.”

“You sound desperate,” he leans in and whispers in my ear, “ _Me_ _encanta_.” He quits stroking and I make a wanting noise when he lets go. A smirk creeps up on his lips as he grabs the lube and coats his fingers. What was he planning?

I felt his hand go under my pants and in between my ass cheeks. Just before he inserts a finger into my entrance I jump, “Woah!”

“You must be joking. Are you a goddamn virgin?”

“Not with chicks. Trust me, I'm experienced, but guys, yes.” My cheeks burn with embarrassment.

“So I'm your first?” Nevada seemed extremely pleased with this brand new info.

“You are.” Here I go blushing again. Prom night all over again. Jesus, this was embarrassing.

“Turn over.”

“What?”

“You fucking heard me.”

Normally I hated when people talked down to me, but with this guy, it was different. _I liked it._ What was wrong with me? I do as he says and I turn over. I feel my pants lower and cold air hitting my ass. Suddenly I hear a whistle and Nevada purring, _“Que_ _buen_ _culo_ _.”_ His hand caresses my exposed ass for a moment before he spread my cheeks. I shiver when he does that.

“ _Relájate, cariño_. Relax,” he kisses my neck again as I feel one of his fingers enters me.  And I felt a pleasurable sensation as he fingered my prostate for a minute. I didn’t realise it was this pleasurable until now.

I gasped, _“Fuck me.”_

In a smart ass manner, Nevada replies with _“I intend to.”_ Another slick finger enter me and I arch my back. He made me want to come. _A lot_. I feel his fingers leave me and I heard a very familiar crinkling noise. He was opening a condom wrapper.

“Get on your hands and knees, _puto_ _._ ”

A moment after, I feel his hand slap my ass. Hard. Fuck that hurts. What did I do? Who knows? I let out a pained whimper as I follow his order. I made the mistake of looking behind me to see him, stroking his own dick. And I'm not one to care for sizes, but Christ on a bicycle that _thing_ was huge. And he was going to put that in me? Could he? I felt my own cock twitch. Was my body excited for this? I didn't understand it. Then subconsciously I start to stroke myself, moaning.

“You like what you see?” Nevada hovers over me, forcing my hand away from my cock. I whine again. His hands trail from my arm to my back to my ass and I feel him put lube around my entrance. _“Te_ _deseo_ _.”_ He teases my ass with his erection making me beg for him. A few seconds later, I feel him _enter_ into me. There was so much pressure but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

“So...Tight,” Nevada moans grabbing my thighs, pulling himself more into me. _“Te_ _voy_ _a meter_ _toda_ _la reata.”_

Once again, I feel that same pleasurable sensation from when he fingered me before. I made another pleased noise. “Nev-Nevada!”

“Love when you call out my name,” He was once again tender. I feel him pulling my shirt up and kissing my back. One of his hands found its way onto my cock and he began to pump me again. It felt so good. And he felt so good and yet I was so conflicted feeling this way. He spoke more Spanish to me as he thrust faster. I felt my stomach tense up a little and my arms give, making it easier him to fuck me. I push my head into the sheets and my hands grab the fabric. He smacked my ass again and pumped my cock faster. I felt him go deeper inside me and he hit my spot with each thrust. I was going to come very soon.

“NEVADA! I'm close!”

“So am I. Come for me, _mi_ _amor_ _,”_ his nails dug into my skin, making me moan out in pain. _Damn_ , I was enjoying this way too much. A spark went down my spine and to my cock and it happened. “NEVADA!!!!!!!!!!” I come hard into his hand. As I reached my climaxed, I felt his cock twitch inside of me and Nevada moaned out, “BENJI!”

I lay there panting into the sheets as he pulls out of me and I turn to lay on my side.

“Benji, you can rest after you clean my hand,” he puts his hand in front of me.

I almost gave a look of disgust. I didn't intend to lick off my own cum but before I could detest his request, he sticks a finger in my mouth. This part I'm not going to lie, grossed me out. I was virtually tasting myself.

“Now clean the rest, _por_ _favor_ ,” he holds out his hand. I had to remember this was a man who beat the shit out of someone for disrespecting him. I swallowed my pride, no pun intended, to lick the rest of his fingers seductively.

“Such a good _puto_ _,”_ he grins before he kisses me and gets off the bed to clean himself off. Once I totally regained my composure, I pull my boxers and pants up. I couldn't help smiling.

“Something funny?”

“No, I was thinking about how good you made me feel.” My god, that sounded corny.

“Mmmm _mi_ _amor_ , you made me feel good too.” He lays next brushing my hair back from my eyes, kissing my forehead. How was someone so ruthless be so caring? Nevada truly was a complicated guy.

I was a little nervous asking him this next question. “Nevada, can I ask a favour?”

He cocks an eyebrow, looking suspicious, “What kind?”

“Stay with me. Like cuddles,” I reach for his hand, “Just for tonight. That's it.”

“I should have pegged you as a fucking sap,” he laughs, almost condescendingly.

I slink back, feeling totally embarrassed asking him this. I wish I didn't now.

He lays a hand on my side, rubbing it a little. “I'll stay.”

I smile when I hear him say this. Jesus, he's right. I am a total fucking sap, but I didn't care. I liked him being this close, feeling protected. I felt one of his arms wrap around me and before I could say “good night” I hear him snoring. I reach over as gently as possible and turn off the light.

* * *

Next morning, I awake to find one of the girls, Maria, handing me a plate of fruit. She was wearing a tight purple dress. “This is nice,” I think to myself and then I noticed Nevada was gone. “Where's Nevada?” I yawn.

“Out but he wanted you to enjoy this and us if you like,” she massages my shoulders.

“Thanks, I'll just eat the fruit.”

She huffs in protest a little.  I shake my head. “I mean you can stay, but I'm not gonna sleep with you.” Shit, that came out wrong. “I mean, I like your company, but not that way.”

“I get it. You're gay,” she smiles.

“What?! No, no. I like women, I think you're hot as hell. I mean I had an erection looking at you last night. “

Fuck, here I go making things worse and who says that to a woman? Of course, I do.

“Benji, is it?”

I nod, “Yeah.”

“Nevada wasn't kidding when he said you were wordy.”

“Nervousness.”

“Well, _guapo_ _,_ as long as you are alright with Nevada you have nothing to fear,” she kisses my cheek.

 _Nothing to fear._ Dammit, that reminds me. I'm supposed to keep tabs on him for Perry.  “Where is he?”

“I think in a meeting. Don't bother _Papi_ when he's in those,” she rubs my arm. “We could waste time till he comes back.”

“Believe me, I would love to, but I can't. I hope you understand. Plus I have something I need to do this morning,” I kiss her cheek in a friendly way before finishing my plate of fruit. “This was delicious, by the way. Thank you.”

“ _De nada_ ,” she smiles and walks away with the empty plate.

 I had to figure out a way to spy on him without getting caught or killed. Or why was I still doing this? I leave his home and enter my lowly apartment in 10 minutes. I quickly shower and get dressed. My phone vibrates and I check it.

> Nevada: _“Where the fuck are you?”_
> 
> _“My apartment. Had to get dressed”_
> 
> N: _“Could have sent someone to get them for you. I need to see you.”_
> 
> _“_ _Im_ _good._ _Ill_ _swing by in 20”_
> 
> N: _“I'm sending Mike to pick you up now”_
> 
> _“ok”_

I comb my damp hair with my fingers haphazardly, giving it a messy appearance.  There’s a knock on the door and I look through the peephole, “Miguel.”

He smiles and gently punches my shoulder, “Pisshouse.”

I laugh as I leave with him and I end up back at Nevada's house. I was curious as to what Nevada wanted. Back of my head kept repeating, “Round 2” and I had to remind myself that was just a onetime thing.

“Benji, in here,” I hear his voice. Both of his henchmen and his girls take me to his office. Instead of greeting me with a smile, I was greeted with a scowl.

“Morning,” I nod.

He silently ushers his henchmen and girls away and suddenly we're alone. Too alone. I had a bad feeling in my stomach. Did he find me out?

He gets up from his desk and closes the door, _“We need to talk... Harry.”_ He places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it hard.

What the fuck? How the fuck did he know my name? I'm so fucking dead. Sorry, Grandmas in the Midwest for saying fuck so much. Shit.

“Nevada, I can explain. Please don't kill me or dump me on the tracks.” My heart was racing so fast that I trembled. “Before you say it, I know I'm a piece of shit traitor. That guy was right. Honestly, I wasn't going to tell on you anyway. I was gonna go and leave and destroy evidence I had on you guys.” Just listen to me spilling my guts and worrying about him literally doing just that.

He rubs his face, “Harry, _shut the fuck up._ I'm not going to kill you.”

“What? But you-”

“ _Mira,_ _mira_. Van Shrike told me about you as soon as you got here 5 months ago,” he crosses his arms.

PERRY SNITCHED ON ME?! That son of a bitch.  Did he want me dead? I can't wait to get back to LA to kick his ass unless I get tor-

“I'm also undercover.”

My eyes go wide, “Undercover? What are you? DEA or something?”

For a brief moment, the actual Nevada revealed himself to me when I asked this question. He looks away for a moment and then back at me, “Undercover, yes, to catch someone bigger. And right now, it's getting too dangerous for you to be here. You're going back to LA tonight. You were sent here as a distraction.”

“So Perry sent me away basically. That kinda hurts.” I cross my arms. Unbelievable. “So I was just a useless decoy.”

Nevada steps closer to me, “I didn't say you were useless.”

“But...”

 “The wires you helped steal will lead me to him.  You won't believe this, but they were holding drugs. Pretty clever shit. However,” his voice trails off.

“However?”

“Somebody snitched about how close we were last night and I can't have anything happen to you. Or at least on my conscience. Now I'm the one sounding like a sap,” he laughs. “I'm gonna fucking miss you, _gringo.”_

In my own way, I was gonna miss him too. I couldn't help but hug him.

Nevada’s face grimaces, “What the fuck are you doing?”

There was the Nevada I was used to. “Sorry,” I say as I let go of him, “Going to miss you too.” I clear my throat,  “So this means I'm leaving, huh?”

“Yes, tonight. My guys will escort you to the airport. Already got your tickets.”

I blurt out, “Wish it was you.” I cover my mouth. Did I actually say that?

“I wish it was too, _mi_ _amor_. But I have a job to do.” He holds me close, “One last time.” He leans in and kisses me nice and slow. He already tasted like whiskey. He releases me from his embrace and I felt myself get turned on again. _Damn,_ how I was gonna miss him.

 “ _Leta, Maria, ven aquí,” he says, sitting down at his desk and kicking up his feet. The two women enter his office and he has them take me to Miguel and Santiago._

* * *

 

Later that night, I board my flight. As I take a seat, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out and  grin when I see Nevada's name pop up.

> N: _“Believe it or not,_ _me_ _and the whole crew miss your dumbass”_
> 
>  

I laugh and send a text back:

> _“I miss your dumbass too”_
> 
> N: _“ay I should kick your fucking ass for saying that”_
> 
> _“would you really? :(((“_
> 
> N: _“Yes and then I would caress it after”_
> 
> _“Define that last statement”_
> 
> N: _“_ _JFC_ _dumbass you know what I mean”_
> 
> N: _“you were so fucking good last night.”_
> 
> _“You were too Nevada.”_
> 
> N: _“my dick's hard just thinking about it”_

I bite my tongue reading that and thinking about him in that state.

> _“Don't hurt urself. Flight about to leave. Please be safe!”_

I turn my phone off and lean my head against the window, watching the tarmac move along.  I started to think about last night and who Nevada really was. How I wish I could spend more time with him and tell him how happy he made me. Then again, he would say something like _“cut that romantic bullshit out”_ and it was only a drunken one night stand. How I wish I wasn't going back home alone, but what could I do? Nothing, honestly.  Or maybe I could bug Perry about going undercover and working for Nevada again. Well, once things settled down, of course. Who knows, my dear reader.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> cabrón/maldito cabrón - asshole/fucking asshole  
> mira - look  
> No es uno de nosotros - not one of us  
> Coño! - Fuck!  
> Capullo - asshole  
> lo siento - I'm sorry  
> Salud! - Cheers!  
> Sí, lo hiciste – yes, you did  
> vámonos - let's go  
> ¿Quien es tu amigo guapo, Papi? - Who is your handsome friend, Papi?  
> ¿Mis novias? - My girlfriends?  
> hermoso - handsome  
> Me encanta - I love it  
> Que buen culo - what a great ass  
> Relájate, cariño - Relax, dear  
> puto - male prostitute  
> Te deseo - I want you  
> Te voy a meter toda la reata. - I'm going to stick all of my cock in you  
> ven aquí - come here


End file.
